My husband and I have been together for ten years, and even before I get pregnant it is easy to fall into a routine and forget that although it’s wonderful to be comfortable with your partner, it’s more important to keep that flame lit. So many new mommies I speak to talk about the difficulties of maintaining their love lives with their partners and being a new parent.
Some times you will find yourself wondering how you can steal a breath to yourself. Covered in pee, poo, and spit-up, it’s an understatement to say there are more than a handful of new moms that don’t necessarily feel sexy. I was in the mindset, especially after giving birth, that without feeling sexy, well, you might as well take those first three letters away.
As new parents, it’s extremely overwhelming. Nothing can ever prepare you for being at home alone with this brand new baby completely dependant on you. For a mom who has just given birth, there are so many other things that push sex and your relationship with your partner to the very back corners of your mind.
Your body and your mind are still healing, and it takes time. While you are healing, you are devoting every extra bit of energy you have to keeping this little being alive.
I felt like the thing that made our relationship even strong after giving birth was communication and openness. I told him exactly how I felt both physically and emotionally, I told him that our relationship was going to change and we both prepared ourselves for that. There are so many people, especially mommies, who I speak with that ask me for advice. They ask me what they should say, how they should approach telling their husbands they need space, or they aren’t ready to start a physical relationship again, and I always ask them the same thing; Have you spoken to them about it?
You can’t come to any resolution in your life, especially in your relationships, if you don’t talk about the things that bother you and that you need to work through.
Relationships are work!
Especially the great ones. I think in the age of social media, we get caught up looking at photos and the illusion of what we think the perfect couple is, forgetting that people post at their bests, not at their worst. We also forget that they aren’t uploading photos CONSTANTLY. There are breaks, and in those breaks, they may be having disagreements, they may be fighting through hard times, and working hard to be sure their relationship not only works but lasts.
After you have a baby, so much of your focus is on raising your baby. It can be all too easy to forget that you were a couple before you are parents, and if you hope to continue to be that couple, you have to work at it.
Our relationship hasn’t always been perfect, in fact, there have been times in our ten years together where we forgot to work on our relationship. Life is all about a balance. You have to work on yourself, constantly. At the same time, you need to work on your relationship, and now you have the added constant responsibility of being a parent. It can all be overwhelming.
In short, it is most definitely possible.
Once you have healed both emotionally and physically, you’ll find that you are capable of more than you have ever imagined and this new chapter of your love life as parents can be as adventurous as two single college kids trying to steal a quick minute… so long as you put in the effort!