Day 3: New Me

Last entry, I talked about the toxic lifestyle of pushing things off until tomorrow. This is something I have been extremely guilty of lately. After months and months of living like this, Sunday was the day I looked at myself and said; “No more!”

After a bit of research, it seems like it takes 66 days for something to become a habit. That means I will need to overcome my recently weak willpower for 66 consecutive days if I am hoping to make this new lifestyle I have in mind a reality.

I am going to be honest with you, this seems like a really tall order. With a fussy baby in tow, sometimes it seems like I will not get the 30 minutes I will need a day to do my stretches and my small workout. Especially lately, when co-sleeping with my 5-month-old is threatening to be the death of me. I wake up with less energy than I had going to bed and the idea of dedicating 30, undisturbed minutes of my day to working out instead of logging off and just vegging, seems like a major task.

I am stronger than my procrastination… at least that is what I am telling myself.

A lot of women, especially after becoming a mother, forget about their strength. They fall into survival mode, forgetting to take a moment to think “Holy crap! I made an entire human being in a mere 9 months. When all of that was done with, I summoned the strength needed to push that baby out. Exhausted, worn, and feeling a little bit like I have been in a car accident. I had a meagre 24 hours to heal with help before being handed this tiny amazing thing I had just created, and being sent home to weather the rest of the storm of parenting on my own. Nervous, and still healing myself, I am suddenly in charge of this little being. I have to be their everything, 24 hours a day. That is amazing. I am amazing.’

Really, to all the parent out there, I am there with you. I appreciate your sacrifice, I see your worth, your beauty, your strength. It really is amazing.

We are amazing.

Pregnancy is hard. Childbirth is hard. Parenting is hard.

Admitting that to other people seems to be one of the most difficult things any of us have to do. Something so many of us refuses to do.

Why?

Nothing worthwhile comes easy. It only makes sense that one of the most important things you will ever do be a struggle. Boy, is it a struggle. Some days I feel like I don’t have the strength in me to roll out of bed. Exhausted and worn, emotionally broken, I find a way. For my daughter.

So, this is day 3 of 66.

I cheated a little bit yesterday and only did stretches because I wasn’t prepared for how sore my body would be after just a small workout. Sure, it has been months, but I was feeling like I had been caught in a wave, unable to get out of it and back to the surface. My body was aching, I was so weak, it was definitely not something I thought would be as difficult as it was. Yet, I would still count it as a win because before Sunday I would have used my soreness and fatigue as an excuse to do nothing that day.

66 days.

I can do this!

3 Month Postpartum Recovery

For anyone who hasn’t been following me from the very start, or perhaps missed my delivery post, on September 21st, 2018 I vaginally gave birth to a 7.9 lb baby girl. My delivery required vacuum assistance which resulted in a 3rd degree perineal tear which required more stitches than the doctor or nurse was willing to count. The perineal is the skin between the vagina and the anus (men also have this).

A third degree tear means the tear went down into the muscle and also went from vagina to anus. Yay me!

For this area to heal well and not get infected, I suggest a sitz bath three times a day, and after every bowel movement. I can’t tell you how many times I was sitting in a sitz bath with a crying baby on my lap, struggling to breastfeed those first few weeks. I kept these baths up for around two months.

This was the main thing that needed healing postpartum for me. Everything else was something I barely thought about. The area was also tender because of hemmroids which was equally unpleasant.

Three months later, I went to the doctors for a follow up to having my IUD inserted. I also wanted to know if then increased discharge was due to my continuing lochia (the longest period you will have in your life, ladies) or due to the IUD insertion.

For any other first time moms out there, the lochia discharge towards the end may confuse you. There will be no traces of blood but you will have an egg white type of discharge that may seem like glue to you in some ways, and it may be clear or it may be cloudy. One thing for sure, there will be enough if it that it makes you question whether or not it’s normal. Yes, it is, and can last up to 5 months depending on your body.

During my appointment, I asked her about how my stitches were healing. My perineal area has been tender, and at times depending on my physical activities, it feels like then area is tearing and there would be some pale pink on the tissue when I went to the bathroom. She told me that there was tearing close to my vaginal entrance because the tissue there was too thin to repair itself. This is typical when you are breastfeeding because your estrogen levels will be low.

Insert another sarcastic yay here.

Three months postpartum and I am still tender in that area and now I am using a estrogen cream there to ensure the skin thickens and I can feel a little more like myself down there.

Ladies, giving birth is a lot. It is going to wear on you and it will be a while before you feel like yourself again below then belt. My suggestion is to do everything with care and don’t rush anything. You’ll heal in your own time.