When I got pregnant, I had this brilliant idea to start a parenting blog. After hopping onto google with every question I had regarding my pregnancy and being routed to all these websites and bloggers who glamourized everything without really focusing on the harsh realities, I thought to myself that I should do that. I should be the one who tells women that yes, it isn’t easy. Sometimes pregnancy is gross and difficult and sometimes we downright hate it even though we are going to be rewarded with something so wonderful when it is all done.
Another thought I had was that it would be so great because I would have a year of maternity leave and all this extra time.
What a fool I was.
When you read all the blogs and the articles about newborn babies, they will tell you your baby will sleep a lot in the beginning. Mere hours of their days would be spent actually awake. This had me thinking I would get a chance to keep a tidy household, I would organize, I would catch up on reading and writing, I could actually do things with my day that I hadn’t been able to even consider when I had a full time job.
What they don’t tell you is that you will always be somewhat exhausted. Sure, you get used to it, but the exhaustion is always there. They also don’t tell you that although your baby may sleep a lot, that doesn’t necessarily mean you are going to get free time. You will spend about 75% of your time breastfeeding, when you aren’t feeding, you will be pumping (you may end up formula feeding, but you’d be feeding none the less).
When you aren’t feeding or pumping, there is a high chance your baby has fallen asleep on you. What does that mean? Well, that means that it becomes a bit of a hostage situation. Are you willing to stay put and let them enjoy their nap which could go anywhere from one to four hours long (at least that’s how it is with my daughter), or risk moving them to a second location?
In the beginning, using ninja skills that have been dormant my whole life but have suddenly let themselves be known since I’ve become a mom, I would shift my daughter off of me and onto the couch, surround her with pillows and tidy up a bit, maybe do something crazy like have a cup of decaf coffee, do some dishes or pee. It worked especially well if I could get her into her swing where it plays soft tones and gently rocks her.
Now is an entirely different story. The moment I breathe too deeply she is up, staring at me, all signs of sleep completely gone from her face. So, I tend to accept the fact I am a hostage and trying to get myself out of there won’t end well. I keep my iPad close by, hope to accomplish something, anything while I am stuck there and hope to goodness my bladder is somewhat empty.
My mommy brain is like sand on the shore. I write things in the sand and before I’ve even had a chance to read it, the waves have washed it away. Which means that usually I tell myself in the morning that I have to write a blog today, and then my life happens and that thought doesn’t visit me again until I close my eyes in bed at night.
I am losing days, losing time, just completely lost in being a mommy.
And I couldn’t be happier that I am one. Honestly, these last four months have been a lot, there have been ups and downs, there has been screaming and crying and more poo than I ever thought would have been possible, but it’s wonderful.
So, I am sorry if there are those who are looking from these posts. I am living on phone reminders right now, so I will get into the habit of putting a reminder in my calendar for blogs. Being a new mom means you are in a whirlwind, ever now and then the wind dies down and you can catch your breath… but then you just spend that time breathing than getting anything else done.
Any new parents out there, I am there with you, you are not alone.
Readers and friends, I will try my best to try and get at least one blog post out a week… and hopefully my brain isn’t completely mush and it’s readable!
If there are any topics you would like me to write about, feel free to message me and I will be sure to get on that!